When a custody lawsuit commences, parents need to be thinking primarily about what is in the best interest of the child(ren). The needs and rights of the child(ren) are of paramount importance in a child custody case and the court’s primary focus.
In accordance with Section 153.002 of the Texas Family Code, parents are ordinarily considered to be equal in their right to parent their child(ren). It is the best interests of the child(ren) that are paramount, and the aim of the Texas Family Code is to:
1. Assure that child(ren) will have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interest of the child(ren);
2. Provide a safe, stable, and non-violent environment for the child(ren); and
3. Encourage parents to share in the rights and duties of raising their child(ren) after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage.
If you are a parent who is preparing for a custody battle, you would do well to make this your primary goal throughout the litigation.
Vengeful parents often engage in destructive conduct by trying to move out of state in an attempt to separate the child(ren) geographically from the non-custodial parent. If vengeance is the custodial parent’s primary motive, this has many benefits: it becomes more difficult for the non-custodial parent to exercise visitation, and at the same time makes it more difficult (and expensive) for the non-custodial parent to seek relief through the courts for denied visitation or other wrongful acts by the custodial parent. A move-away, depending upon distance, can also isolate the child(ren) from the non-custodial parent. If you suspect your spouse may do this, you need to be prepared and act proactively. A key item to have incorporated into final paperwork is an “anti-move-away” clause. Essentially, this states that if the custodial parent moves more than a certain number of miles away, custody changes to the remaining parent and/or restricting the permanent domicile of the child(ren) to designated counties.
Stay meaningfully involved in your child(ren)’s lives on a regular and continuing basis. Being heavily involved with your child(ren) for very short periods of time will not bring favor in the eyes of the court.
Keep a detailed record or diary of the details of how much you have been involved with your child(ren)’s school and extracurricular activities. Attend school meetings. Take pictures. Schedule family vacations. Visit relatives and friends and schedule sleepovers with your child(ren)’s peers. Take your child(ren) to the dentist and the doctor. Don’t spoil your child(ren), reasonably discipline your child(ren) when necessary and document why you took such action. Take advantage of extra time extended you by your spouse and try to extend visitation when possible if only for a couple of hours. Initiate and support birthdays, school activities, and college requirements. Document all relevant case issues and facts.
Keep in mind that your child(ren) are not equipped to deal with the range of emotions experienced by an adult, and that ventilating your personal difficulties on them is not only unhelpful, but can be a form of abuse and can create lasting emotional scars and is viewed with disfavor in the courthouse.
Parents preparing for custody cases before the court in Texas must be mindful of the extraordinary damage they can do when denigrating the other spouse in front of their child(ren). Such behavior is not only damaging to the child(ren), but may and usually will, be taken into consideration by the court. A noticeable failure to maintain self-control may be considered an indicator of an inability to parent.
If you can remain involved in your child(ren)’s lives enough to find out how his or her relationship is with your former spouse, you may be able to build a better case to show the court you are the better custodial parent, and in the meantime productively provide for your child(ren) in his or her best interest.
Showing posts with label dallas divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dallas divorce. Show all posts
Friday, August 21, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 5
Trial Strategy – Constructive or Nonproductive
Throughout the tenure of a divorce or custody suit, strategies are employed to improve the strategic position of a spouse before the court or a civil jury.
A non-all-inclusive list of such pursuits of a spouse and his or her attorney may include the following non-productive trial strategies:
1. False claim of child abuse – frequently attorneys and/or their clients will make artificial or transparent claims of child abuse either directly to a jury in a trial or through the filing of a frivolous Child Protective Services complaint. Such ineffective claims may include claims of physical abuse (when in truth is a properly administered and appropriate corporal punishment for grievous conduct dangerous to the child), false claims of injury (whether it be normal scrapes and bruises occurring from play, garden variety accidents all children have, or fractures to the arm or leg occurring through no real fault of either spouse). Frequently, the claims are exaggerated with photographs and close up shots and, on occasion, artificial support from the minor child through the coercion of a spouse. Jury’s are very resentful of this approach and will hold the party asserting such frivolous claims accountable at the end of the day.
2. False claims of alcoholism, substance abuse and/or prescription drug excess – painting a picture of a spouse as an alcoholic or a danger to his or her child based on a glass of wine at an Italian restaurant is frequently a ploy attorneys will use given great social resentment to alcoholism, DWIs and general drug abuse. Certainly, if the abuse is real the claim is valid and is constructive. However, frequently clients will exaggerate social alcohol consumption that is reasonable and is looked upon by the jury as a waste of their time and they will frequently hold the party falsely alleging such abuse accountable.
3. WAR by financial attrition - if there is insufficient community property to adequately fund both sides of a divorce, one spouse may use outside sources of income in the form of family loans, gifts, spend thrift trust disbursements or other disbursements from relatives to financially bring the opposing spouse to his or her knees and demand agreement to terms that are unreasonable and not productive for the underfunded spouse or the children of the marriage. Regrettably, the divorce process is part of the adversary system of justice and leaves this unfair loophole open in such circumstances. Though not outright unethical, such conduct and strategy does not pass the smell test.
4. Cookie cutter witnesses – preachers, rabbis, soccer coaches, parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers and sisters generally bring a yawn from the jury or the court. If their testimony is direct, short and fact driven on an important core issue in a divorce or custody suit, they are necessary. In general, the jury’s perspective is, “what do you think a preacher, grandparent or soccer coach is going to say about the child in their care...that the mother or father they support are bad?”
5. Use of the children as spies – attorneys or clients that use the children to spy and give testimony before a court or jury almost always fail in their goal. Most judges and a majority of juries are highly resentful for bringing minor children into the fray and such a strategy is doomed to backfire before the judge or jury. Clearly, if a relatively mature child is the ONLY source of information that is core to the case and IF there is no other third party professional or other source to support the issue, sometimes the testimony is necessary. This is especially true in cases of real abuse, parental alienation and other destructive conduct that is fundamental to the issues of the case.
Productive strategies:
1. Here is a novel idea. How about truth and sincerity. It has been this writer’s experience that a jury will give some ear to experts, social workers, teachers, coaches, doctors, preachers and other witness with personal knowledge. Inevitably, the final result is driven by the truth and sincerity of the spouse testifying. With predictable regularity a jury will make their decision based squarely on the shoulders of the spouse testifying and the honesty and forthrightness of their testimony.
2. Experts – psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, doctors and other professionals will be given credibility to some degree by a jury IF their opinions are based on acceptable, acknowledged predictable science and IF they have spent sufficient time with the minor child and/or both parents to render a believable opinion. Rent-an-expert’s testimony is disdained by most juries and seen for what it is - as an opinion for hire. The longer the relationship between the testifying expert and the minor child, the greater the likelihood will be that the opinion is fairly received and considered by a court or jury.
3. Election by a minor over 12 years of age- any child over the age of 12 may sign an election (affidavit) of their preference of primary caregiver. The courts will strongly consider these elections and in the large number of the cases make a decision based on the child’s wishes. Juries will favorably consider such elections so long as they are based on believable facts and parental propriety. However, the securing of such an affidavit when in conjunction with a new car, a new wardrobe, or a loose, undisciplined parental attitude towards control of the child will result in the opposite of what the spouse seeks in obtaining such an election. The elections are not binding on the court, but if they are legitimate and based on fact, they are highly cogent evidence which the court and the jury will strongly consider.
4. Depositions of paramours, IRS agents, psychologists, doctors, ex-wives, employers, secretaries, etc. – well thought out, terse, and to the point testimony on facts that support a claim revealed in depositions is far more effective than hearsay or other testimony that is not likely to be received well by the jury. It is important that such deposition testimony be short, to the point and dispositive of a real issue in the case.
The above is not an inclusive list of strategies employed during the divorce proceeding, however, if properly employed or excluded may be instrumental in a positive result for the client during this very difficult time.
The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Monday, May 4, 2009
Bitter Truths are Painful but Help Children Recover
The transition process for a child in a divorce is a difficult one which can result in acceptance, growth and renewal or long term resentments and unrealistic expectations.
It is this writer’s belief that the most heinous, destructive event that can occur in a divorce process is the use of the children by either spouse to support their own emotional needs or to seek advantage in the process through their children.
If the divorce is accepted and inevitable, every child deserves to know bluntly and directly where they stand. The exact approach a parent should take with their children will depend on the particular nuclear family, the life belief systems of the family and the relative maturity of each child. At some point, even with young children, every child has a right to know that mom and dad are getting a divorce, will never live together again, do not want to be married, and, if indicated, do not love each other anymore. This brutal truth inevitably will result in acting out, crying, assessment of blame, and sometimes pleading for a different result. Frequently, there is a temporary drop in grade levels, achievement scores and, in the teenage years, disrespect, substance experimentation and/or abuse and authority issues with teachers, coaches or other mentors which have not occurred prior to the separation. I believe that with honest direct knowledge, regardless of the pain, acting out and emotional injury, the children are at least standing on reality, firmly on the ground, and have a reference with other children, peer groups, and friends who on many occasions have been through the same thing. They can express their feelings directly to their friends and peers. They can converse with authority figures or others directly about the truth of the situation and can commence their new lives based on truths and not fantasy.
Alternatively, the most destructive approach a female or male may take with their children is to offer denial or false explanations such as “my mom and daddy are not going to live together for a while, but they may get back together some day,” or “mom and dad love each other, things are not working out right now and we will just have to see.” In the short term, this approach probably is less emotionally upsetting and easier for the parents and the children. In the long run, it can be catastrophic as the children of the relationship are standing in quicksand and falsehoods which give their children no base of reference among their peers at school, church, clubs, etc. They have nothing they can discuss or share with their peers because their parents are “not married” and are “not divorced.” They may become confounded, and this writer believes the result may be long-term character issues and other disorders which may be avoided if the children are allowed to go through their own grief reaction and start new lives based on truth rather than fanciful false hopes.
It is absolutely critical that each spouse never demean the self-esteem of the other spouse to their children or to other adults in front of their children. If dad is a drunk and a mother tells her eight year old son this is the “reason” for the divorce, then every time that eight year old boy looks in the mirror he sees a drunk. If a father tells a daughter that a divorce had to occur because of the mother’s new relationship with another man, then every time that young girl looks in the mirror she sees a whore. Children will internalize these assertions because regardless of whether the assertions are right or wrong, they are being made by people who are their parents, advisors and whose behavior they model. Rest assured that a frequent dead-beat father or mother is infinitely better than no father or mother at all. Additionally, it has been this attorney’s experience that using the children to forge a position in a divorce inevitably back-fires before the judge and/or jury and, over the long-haul as the children mature into adulthood, they will resent the self-degradation of the other spouse and hold it against the spouse who tried to manipulate the child for the rest of their lives.
Once a direct, unambiguous, concise, and sometimes brutally honest statement is made to the children as to what their future will be, the best emotional results for the children appear to come from parents who thereafter remain silent on the topic. Children frequently are dealing with adolescence, puberty, early religious beliefs, adaptation to sexual urges that are normal and hormonal, and every other issue all children deal with as they mature and grow. The last thing on earth minor children need in this contentious environment is to become a go-between message carrier or spy against a parent who is someone they love and who they follow as a role model, during a terrible period of time in their life when their own grief reaction is just as hard and painful as that of the parents going through the divorce.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
It is this writer’s belief that the most heinous, destructive event that can occur in a divorce process is the use of the children by either spouse to support their own emotional needs or to seek advantage in the process through their children.
If the divorce is accepted and inevitable, every child deserves to know bluntly and directly where they stand. The exact approach a parent should take with their children will depend on the particular nuclear family, the life belief systems of the family and the relative maturity of each child. At some point, even with young children, every child has a right to know that mom and dad are getting a divorce, will never live together again, do not want to be married, and, if indicated, do not love each other anymore. This brutal truth inevitably will result in acting out, crying, assessment of blame, and sometimes pleading for a different result. Frequently, there is a temporary drop in grade levels, achievement scores and, in the teenage years, disrespect, substance experimentation and/or abuse and authority issues with teachers, coaches or other mentors which have not occurred prior to the separation. I believe that with honest direct knowledge, regardless of the pain, acting out and emotional injury, the children are at least standing on reality, firmly on the ground, and have a reference with other children, peer groups, and friends who on many occasions have been through the same thing. They can express their feelings directly to their friends and peers. They can converse with authority figures or others directly about the truth of the situation and can commence their new lives based on truths and not fantasy.
Alternatively, the most destructive approach a female or male may take with their children is to offer denial or false explanations such as “my mom and daddy are not going to live together for a while, but they may get back together some day,” or “mom and dad love each other, things are not working out right now and we will just have to see.” In the short term, this approach probably is less emotionally upsetting and easier for the parents and the children. In the long run, it can be catastrophic as the children of the relationship are standing in quicksand and falsehoods which give their children no base of reference among their peers at school, church, clubs, etc. They have nothing they can discuss or share with their peers because their parents are “not married” and are “not divorced.” They may become confounded, and this writer believes the result may be long-term character issues and other disorders which may be avoided if the children are allowed to go through their own grief reaction and start new lives based on truth rather than fanciful false hopes.
It is absolutely critical that each spouse never demean the self-esteem of the other spouse to their children or to other adults in front of their children. If dad is a drunk and a mother tells her eight year old son this is the “reason” for the divorce, then every time that eight year old boy looks in the mirror he sees a drunk. If a father tells a daughter that a divorce had to occur because of the mother’s new relationship with another man, then every time that young girl looks in the mirror she sees a whore. Children will internalize these assertions because regardless of whether the assertions are right or wrong, they are being made by people who are their parents, advisors and whose behavior they model. Rest assured that a frequent dead-beat father or mother is infinitely better than no father or mother at all. Additionally, it has been this attorney’s experience that using the children to forge a position in a divorce inevitably back-fires before the judge and/or jury and, over the long-haul as the children mature into adulthood, they will resent the self-degradation of the other spouse and hold it against the spouse who tried to manipulate the child for the rest of their lives.
Once a direct, unambiguous, concise, and sometimes brutally honest statement is made to the children as to what their future will be, the best emotional results for the children appear to come from parents who thereafter remain silent on the topic. Children frequently are dealing with adolescence, puberty, early religious beliefs, adaptation to sexual urges that are normal and hormonal, and every other issue all children deal with as they mature and grow. The last thing on earth minor children need in this contentious environment is to become a go-between message carrier or spy against a parent who is someone they love and who they follow as a role model, during a terrible period of time in their life when their own grief reaction is just as hard and painful as that of the parents going through the divorce.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Monday, April 13, 2009
Parent Alienation in Divorce
In recent years, “parent alienation” has become more prevalent in divorce cases. Parent alienation is the dramatic change in the relationship between a parent and their child when the child is used as a tool by one parent to hurt the other parent. Parent alienation can include much more than brainwashing of a child. In many cases, the child becomes hostile towards the alienated parent as they are fed not just conscious, but subconscious and unconscious, messages by the alienating parent. Frequently, the child will turn on the parent they previously loved and were very close to prior to the institution of the divorce proceeding. In some cases, the alienating parent will go to extreme lengths to keep the alienated parent from seeing the child for long periods of time. Children begin acting out and the situation quickly becomes volatile.
When children are used in such a manner, emotions are quickly aroused and a very simple divorce case can quickly become a highly contested case fueled by resentment and hostility. Parents who are successful in getting primary custody of a child in a parent alienation situation share many similar characteristics and may use some of the following tools to assist them in their defense:
1. Keep an even-temper, remain logical and keep your emotions under control. Never retaliate.
2. Though you may think of giving up, never do so.
3. Go to the financial expense of seeing the case through. Never give up on your child. There can be nothing more important than the happiness of your child.
4. Seek help from a skilled attorney who has experience with parental alienation.
5. Familiarize yourself with how the courts work and the laws as they apply to your specific case.
5. Seek professional help and diagnosis.
6. Request a social study into the circumstances of the child
7. Request a psychological evaluation of the alienating parent
8. Keep a chronology or diary of events (this will help to jog your memory, keep track of witnesses, etc.).
9. Document the alienation for submission as evidence in court.
10. Keep the best interest of the child at heart.
11. Provide the Court with an appropriate parenting plan.
12. Make sure you understand the nature of the problem and focus on correcting it, even though you are being victimized.
13. Always call and show up for visitation with your child at the scheduled time, even if there is no chance of the child being there.
14. Take witnesses to testify that the child is not at home when you exercise your visitation rights.
15. Focus on the child, and never talk to the child about the other parent or the divorce case.
16. Never violate the Court’s orders.
18. If you are receiving disturbing phone calls from the child or the other parent, tape the calls.
19. If you are receiving disturbing emails or text messages from the child or the other parent, make a copy and place in a file.
Though none of these tips will guarantee that you get custody of the child, they will definitely assist you in building a case against the parent who is attempting to alienate you from your child.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
When children are used in such a manner, emotions are quickly aroused and a very simple divorce case can quickly become a highly contested case fueled by resentment and hostility. Parents who are successful in getting primary custody of a child in a parent alienation situation share many similar characteristics and may use some of the following tools to assist them in their defense:
1. Keep an even-temper, remain logical and keep your emotions under control. Never retaliate.
2. Though you may think of giving up, never do so.
3. Go to the financial expense of seeing the case through. Never give up on your child. There can be nothing more important than the happiness of your child.
4. Seek help from a skilled attorney who has experience with parental alienation.
5. Familiarize yourself with how the courts work and the laws as they apply to your specific case.
5. Seek professional help and diagnosis.
6. Request a social study into the circumstances of the child
7. Request a psychological evaluation of the alienating parent
8. Keep a chronology or diary of events (this will help to jog your memory, keep track of witnesses, etc.).
9. Document the alienation for submission as evidence in court.
10. Keep the best interest of the child at heart.
11. Provide the Court with an appropriate parenting plan.
12. Make sure you understand the nature of the problem and focus on correcting it, even though you are being victimized.
13. Always call and show up for visitation with your child at the scheduled time, even if there is no chance of the child being there.
14. Take witnesses to testify that the child is not at home when you exercise your visitation rights.
15. Focus on the child, and never talk to the child about the other parent or the divorce case.
16. Never violate the Court’s orders.
18. If you are receiving disturbing phone calls from the child or the other parent, tape the calls.
19. If you are receiving disturbing emails or text messages from the child or the other parent, make a copy and place in a file.
Though none of these tips will guarantee that you get custody of the child, they will definitely assist you in building a case against the parent who is attempting to alienate you from your child.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 3
Part 3: Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches)
Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family - or
How does divorce make you feel? or
Divorce Wars/Legal Strategies and Myths
The cost, effectiveness, pain, and complexity of a divorce is frequently directly related to that point in time in which the man and woman accept an emotional divorce. Generally, the divorce commences at the time of the filing of the petitioner’s original petition and ends, absent appeal, thirty days following the entry of a final judgment of divorce. The emotional divorce, however, may occur prior to the commencement of the action, during the commencement of the action, or following entry of a final judgment. Likewise, the emotional divorce may be accepted prior to the commencement of the action, following the filing of the original petition or after entry of a final judgment. Although there are a number of cases in which fault primarily rests with one spouse, experience has shown that emotional acceptance, in the vast majority of divorce cases, can only occur when both husband and wife accept partial fault. In other words, at the core of all marital disputes is the unrecognized and repressed reality that both parties may have made a poor judgment in electing to commence the marital compact in the first place.
Absent adult and real emotional acceptance of some level of partial responsibility for failed judgment, divorce wars can evolve primarily to establish who is “wrong” or “responsible” or “at fault” and generally lead to higher costs, attorney’s fees, expense, expert fees and other strategical expenses necessary to fully put forward the position of the client. The ammunition employed by the attorney on behalf of the client is available from a number of categories, including temporary and, in some cases, post-divorce alimony, asset distribution, asset allocation, child support, possession periods with the children, holidays with the children, payment of attorney’s fees, depositions, document discovery and analysis, psychological evaluations, drug testing, etc.
If, in fact, the emotional acceptance of the dissolution has occurred prior to or relatively near commencement of the divorce proceeding, it is much simpler and emotionally constructive to address the underlying core issues in the divorce more quickly and effectively. Those issues in a relationship with children, blended or otherwise, should and frequently do in an acceptance situation, revolve around the best interest of the children and the constructive approach to an adult respectful resolution that takes into account the future stability and workability of the husband and wife and particularly the children to a relationship. Frequently, the key to a quick, more cost effective and therapeutic result is the employment of qualified counselors to aid the parties on this very difficult and complicated road that must be walked prior to commencing a different life following dissolution. When there are children involved, the sooner the parties recognize that though they may divorce one another they are not divorcing their children, the sooner the recovery process can begin. Regardless of fault, responsibility or other adversarial issues, for both husband and wife, there will be future soccer games, T-ball games, graduations, marriages, funerals, reunions and other social events which in all reasonable probability, they will both be in attendance. So long as both spouses place the best interests of the child above their own best interest, in a large majority of the cases, regardless of who is at fault, a reasonable and cost effective result may be expeditiously accomplished.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Dallas area attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex area for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family - or
How does divorce make you feel? or
Divorce Wars/Legal Strategies and Myths
The cost, effectiveness, pain, and complexity of a divorce is frequently directly related to that point in time in which the man and woman accept an emotional divorce. Generally, the divorce commences at the time of the filing of the petitioner’s original petition and ends, absent appeal, thirty days following the entry of a final judgment of divorce. The emotional divorce, however, may occur prior to the commencement of the action, during the commencement of the action, or following entry of a final judgment. Likewise, the emotional divorce may be accepted prior to the commencement of the action, following the filing of the original petition or after entry of a final judgment. Although there are a number of cases in which fault primarily rests with one spouse, experience has shown that emotional acceptance, in the vast majority of divorce cases, can only occur when both husband and wife accept partial fault. In other words, at the core of all marital disputes is the unrecognized and repressed reality that both parties may have made a poor judgment in electing to commence the marital compact in the first place.
Absent adult and real emotional acceptance of some level of partial responsibility for failed judgment, divorce wars can evolve primarily to establish who is “wrong” or “responsible” or “at fault” and generally lead to higher costs, attorney’s fees, expense, expert fees and other strategical expenses necessary to fully put forward the position of the client. The ammunition employed by the attorney on behalf of the client is available from a number of categories, including temporary and, in some cases, post-divorce alimony, asset distribution, asset allocation, child support, possession periods with the children, holidays with the children, payment of attorney’s fees, depositions, document discovery and analysis, psychological evaluations, drug testing, etc.
If, in fact, the emotional acceptance of the dissolution has occurred prior to or relatively near commencement of the divorce proceeding, it is much simpler and emotionally constructive to address the underlying core issues in the divorce more quickly and effectively. Those issues in a relationship with children, blended or otherwise, should and frequently do in an acceptance situation, revolve around the best interest of the children and the constructive approach to an adult respectful resolution that takes into account the future stability and workability of the husband and wife and particularly the children to a relationship. Frequently, the key to a quick, more cost effective and therapeutic result is the employment of qualified counselors to aid the parties on this very difficult and complicated road that must be walked prior to commencing a different life following dissolution. When there are children involved, the sooner the parties recognize that though they may divorce one another they are not divorcing their children, the sooner the recovery process can begin. Regardless of fault, responsibility or other adversarial issues, for both husband and wife, there will be future soccer games, T-ball games, graduations, marriages, funerals, reunions and other social events which in all reasonable probability, they will both be in attendance. So long as both spouses place the best interests of the child above their own best interest, in a large majority of the cases, regardless of who is at fault, a reasonable and cost effective result may be expeditiously accomplished.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Dallas area attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex area for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 1
Part 1: Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches)
Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family
or How does divorce make you feel?
Make no mistake, there are always two divorces. There is legal divorce, and there is emotional divorce. Although inextricably intertwined, they are distinct and separate with their own life and death, each fueling and affecting the other.
Aside from the loss of a spouse, child or parent to death, it has been said that divorce is the most egregious, emotionally dehabilitating experience a man or woman may have in a lifetime. The grief to each spouse, regardless of fault or equities, is very real, personal, deep and frequently damaging.
Aside from dispute resolution and collaborative law possibilities, which generally may apply to some people, the judicial adversary system is perhaps the most misplaced, illogical and painful method one might devise to dissolve a bond as culturally significant and historically necessary as the marital compact. Regrettably, it is what we have today to resolve marital conflicts.
The legal marriage is formed either by statute or common law. Statutorily one may secure their priest, Rabbi, or other authorized person to join the parties in union by purchasing a marriage license, taking a blood test and going through the formal procedures and ceremony. Additionally, you may, under statute, marry by filing forms with the state signifying the union. In Texas, flowing from the Mexican/Spanish influence on our statutes and the large distances between cities, the time and effort necessary to find a preacher in days gone by, two parties may marry by common law agreement. Such a marriage is binding upon agreement of the parties to be married (irrevocable present agreement), cohabitating together, and holding themselves out to the public as man and wife ratifying the relationship.
Regardless of which of the three procedures one takes to become married, once accomplished it is binding and can only be dissolved by divorce. Divorce means lawyers, the adversary system, the frequent unnecessary involvement of the children in the procedure, and significant grief.
It has been shown to be very constructive, useful, and therapeutic to entertain marriage counseling and/or divorce counseling prior to, during, and following a divorce procedure. There is no question that securing the services of a quality counselor, properly qualified to assist a husband and wife going through divorce, yields long-term benefits and faster recovery time, though the counseling often leads to serious emotional disruption and further pain before recognizing therapeutic results.
Once married, the divorce rate is over 50%. 95% of the population is married by age 55 versus 72% in 1970. The general life expectancy of a marriage is approximately 7 years, 8 months for the first marriage, and 7 years, 4 months for the second marriage.
The relative costs and expense in dissolving the marital relationship is directly proportional to the acceptance and the decision to divorce emotionally which can occur days, weeks, months, or years prior to the time you meet your attorney to commence the divorce proceeding, or never at all.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Dallas area Attorney Mark Nacol
or How does divorce make you feel?
Make no mistake, there are always two divorces. There is legal divorce, and there is emotional divorce. Although inextricably intertwined, they are distinct and separate with their own life and death, each fueling and affecting the other.
Aside from the loss of a spouse, child or parent to death, it has been said that divorce is the most egregious, emotionally dehabilitating experience a man or woman may have in a lifetime. The grief to each spouse, regardless of fault or equities, is very real, personal, deep and frequently damaging.
Aside from dispute resolution and collaborative law possibilities, which generally may apply to some people, the judicial adversary system is perhaps the most misplaced, illogical and painful method one might devise to dissolve a bond as culturally significant and historically necessary as the marital compact. Regrettably, it is what we have today to resolve marital conflicts.
The legal marriage is formed either by statute or common law. Statutorily one may secure their priest, Rabbi, or other authorized person to join the parties in union by purchasing a marriage license, taking a blood test and going through the formal procedures and ceremony. Additionally, you may, under statute, marry by filing forms with the state signifying the union. In Texas, flowing from the Mexican/Spanish influence on our statutes and the large distances between cities, the time and effort necessary to find a preacher in days gone by, two parties may marry by common law agreement. Such a marriage is binding upon agreement of the parties to be married (irrevocable present agreement), cohabitating together, and holding themselves out to the public as man and wife ratifying the relationship.
Regardless of which of the three procedures one takes to become married, once accomplished it is binding and can only be dissolved by divorce. Divorce means lawyers, the adversary system, the frequent unnecessary involvement of the children in the procedure, and significant grief.
It has been shown to be very constructive, useful, and therapeutic to entertain marriage counseling and/or divorce counseling prior to, during, and following a divorce procedure. There is no question that securing the services of a quality counselor, properly qualified to assist a husband and wife going through divorce, yields long-term benefits and faster recovery time, though the counseling often leads to serious emotional disruption and further pain before recognizing therapeutic results.
Once married, the divorce rate is over 50%. 95% of the population is married by age 55 versus 72% in 1970. The general life expectancy of a marriage is approximately 7 years, 8 months for the first marriage, and 7 years, 4 months for the second marriage.
The relative costs and expense in dissolving the marital relationship is directly proportional to the acceptance and the decision to divorce emotionally which can occur days, weeks, months, or years prior to the time you meet your attorney to commence the divorce proceeding, or never at all.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Dallas area Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Tel: 972-690-3333
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