Mental Illness and the Child Custody Case

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, an estimated 26.2 percent of Americans age 18 and older – about one in four adults – suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. This figure translates to 57.7 million people. Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time. Nearly half (45 percent) of those with mental disorder meet criteria for two or more disorders, with severity strongly related to co-morbidity. Mental illnesses are biologically based brain disorders. A diagnosed mental illness in a custody case may not only affect the eventual outcome of the case, but may also determine how counsel prepares his or her particular case strategy.

There are degrees of severity and levels of functioning with all mental disorders, and in the context of a contested custody case an extreme position can be easier for an attorney to handle. The fact finder is evaluating each parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs and the parties’ particular parenting abilities. A psychiatric diagnosis is not in and of itself a measuring tool. The specific acts of each parent must be examined in detail.

One important factor to consider is a request for psychological testing or the appointment of a counselor or psychiatrist to evaluate the parties. If the party with the mental illness has not admitted they have an illness, the results of court-ordered evaluations may force the issue and may also provide additional evidence to support a modification of temporary orders.

Counsel may want to recommend to the court that the child attend therapy. You may suggest the use of the therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist of the person with the mental disorder for recommendations to the court of the parent’s visitation with the child.

Counsel may also want to consider a temporary injunction in addition to the standard temporary injunction for the preservation of property and protection of the parties and the children. Some issues to consider are preventing the use of alcohol within 24 hours of possession of the children; preventing the mentally ill party from operating a motor vehicle while taking medications, and preventing the parties from making disparaging remarks regarding the other party.

It is important that counsel identify and define the particular drugs the mentally ill patient is taking. Counsel should request a HIPPA Release (specifically related to mental health disclosures) allowing access to medical and prescription drug records of the mentally ill party. Research should then be performed as to the effects of each drug on the mentally ill person.

It may be necessary to have an Amicus Attorney appointed to represent the interests of the children. The Amicus Attorney has a powerful role in the contested custody case and can assist in gaining information on the mentally ill party. All parties should cooperate fully with the Amicus Attorney for the best interest of the children. It is important to make yourself available to the Amicus Attorney and to be pro-active in setting up appointments. It is important that counsel instruct you as to what to say and what not to say to the Amicus Attorney. It is also critical that counsel respond to any discovery propounded by an Amicus Attorney timely.

Be sure to educate yourself about the particular mental disorder you are dealing with. Make sure your experts have experience in handling the particular mental disorder in questions. Counsel should use the testimony of experts to offer aid and/or educate the judge and/or jury so they have a clear understanding of the mental illness and its foreseeable consequences to the spouse and/or family members.

Texas Law and Post-Divorce Spousal Maintenance

Under Section 8.051 of the Texas Family Code, a court shall order maintenance for either spouse only if:

1. the spouse for whom maintenance is requested was convicted of or received deferred adjudication for a criminal offense that also constitutes an act of family violence under Title 4 and the offense occurred:

a. within two years before the date on which a suit for dissolution of marriage is filed; or
b. while the suit is pending; or

2. the duration of the marriage was 10 years or longer, the spouse seeking maintenance lacks sufficient property, including property distributed to the spouse under this code, to provide for the spouse’s minimum reasonable needs, as limited by Section 8.054, and the spouse seeking maintenance:

a. is unable to support himself or herself through appropriate employment because of an incapacitating physical or mental disability;
b. is the custodian of a child of the marriage of any age who requires substantial care and personal supervision because a physical or mental disability makes it necessary, taking into consideration the needs of the child, that the spouse not be employed outside the home; or
c. clearly lacks earning ability in the labor market adequate to provide support for the spouse’s minimum reasonable needs, as limited by Section 8.054.

Section 8.052 of the Texas Family Code states that a court shall determine the nature, amount, duration, and manner of periodic spousal maintenance payments by considering all relevant factors, including the following:

1. the financial resources of the spouse seeking maintenance, including the community and separate property and liabilities apportioned to that spouse in the dissolution proceeding, and that spouse’s ability to meet the spouse’s needs independently;
2. the educational and employment skills of the spouses, the time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the spouse seeking maintenance to find appropriate employment, the availability of that education or training, and the feasibility of that education or training;
3. the duration of the marriage;
4. the age, employment history, earning ability, and physical and emotional condition of the spouse seeking maintenance;
5. the ability of the spouse from whom maintenance is requested to meet that spouse’s personal needs and to provide periodic child support payments, if applicable, while meeting the personal needs of the spouse seeking maintenance;
6. acts by either spouse resulting in excessive or abnormal expenditures or destruction, concealment, or fraudulent disposition of community property, joint tenancy, or other property held in common;
7. the comparative financial resources of the spouse, including medical, retirement, insurance, or other benefits, and the separate property of each spouse;
8. the contribution by one spouse to the education, training, or increased earning power of the other spouse;
9. the property brought to the marriage by either spouse;
10. the contribution of a spouse as homemaker;
11. marital misconduct of the spouse seeking maintenance; and
12. the efforts of the spouse seeking maintenance to pursue available employment counseling as provided by Chapter 304, Labor Code.

Section 8.053 states that except as provided by Subsection (b), it is presumed that maintenance under Section 8.051(2) is not warranted unless the spouse seeking maintenance has exercised diligence in:

1. seeking suitable employment; or
2. developing the necessary skills to become self-supporting during a period of separation and during the time the suit for dissolution of the marriage is pending.

This section does not apply to a spouse who is not able to satisfy the presumption in Subsection (a) because the spouse:

1. has an incapacitating physical or mental disability;
2. is the custodian of a child of the marriage of any age who requires substantial care and personal supervision because a physical or mental disability makes it necessary, taking into consideration the needs of the child, that the spouse not be employed outside the home.

Except as provided in subsection (b), a court:

1. may not order maintenance that remains in effect for more than three years after the date of the order; and
2. shall limit the duration of a maintenance order to the shortest reasonable period that allows the spouse seeking maintenance to meet the spouse’s minimum reasonable needs by obtaining appropriate employment or developing an appropriate skill, unless the ability of the spouse to provide for the spouse’s minimum reasonable needs through employment is substantially or totally diminished because of:

a. physical or mental disability;
b. duties as the custodian of an infant or young child; or
c. another compelling impediment to gainful employment.

If a spouse seeking maintenance is unable to support himself or herself through appropriate employment because the spouse has an incapacitating physical or mental disability or because the spouse is the Custodian of a child of the marriage of any age who has a physical or mental disability, the court may order maintenance for as long as the disability continues.

A court may not order maintenance that requires an obligor to pay monthly more than the lesser of:

1. $2,500; or
2. 20 percent of the spouse’s average monthly gross income.

The court shall set the amount that an obligor is required to pay in a maintenance order to provide for the minimum reasonable needs of the oblige, considering employment or property received in the dissolution of the marriage or otherwise owned by the oblige that contributes to the minimum reasonable needs of the oblige.

Department of Veterans Affairs service-connected disability compensation, social security benefits and disability benefits, and workers’ compensation benefits are excluded from maintenance.

The Standard Child Possession Order

When parents are battling over divorce issues and child custody, they often times do not understand that the Texas Family Code has expanded the child possession order to make parents joint managing conservators with equal rights and duties and possession of the child. It is important to keep in mind that, under certain circumstances, and depending on the age of a child, a Judge may alter the standard possession order in any way that serves the best interest of the child.

The following is an example of a standard possession order for a parent who lives within 100 miles of their child under the Texas Family Code.

IT IS ORDERED that the conservators shall have possession of the child at times mutually agreed to in advance by the parties, and, in the absence of mutual agreement, it is ORDERED that the conservators shall have possession of the child under the specified terms set out in this Standard Possession Order.

(c) Parents Who Reside 100 Miles or Less Apart

Except as otherwise explicitly provided in this Standard Possession Order, when Possessory Conservator resides 100 miles or less from the primary residence of the child, Possessory Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child as follows:

1. Weekends—

On weekends that occur during the regular school term, beginning at the time the child’s school is regularly dismissed on the first, third, and fifth Friday of each month and ending at the time the child’s school resumes after the weekend.

On weekends that do not occur during the regular school term, beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the first, third, and fifth Friday of each month and ending at 6:00 p.m. on the following Sunday.

2. Weekend Possession Extended by a Holiday—Except as otherwise explicitly provided in this Standard Possession Order, if a weekend period of possession by Conservator begins on a Friday that is a school holiday during the regular school term or a federal, state, or local holiday during the summer months when school is not in session, or if the period ends on or is immediately followed by a Monday that is such a holiday, that weekend period of possession shall begin at the time the child’s school is regularly dismissed on the Thursday immediately preceding the Friday holiday or school holiday or end on that Monday holiday or school holiday at the time school resumes after that school holiday, as applicable.

3. Thursdays—On Thursday of each week during the regular school term, beginning at the time the child’s school is regularly dismissed and ending at the time the child’s school resumes on Friday.

4. Spring Break in Even-Numbered Years—In even-numbered years, beginning at the time the child’s school is regularly dismissed on the day the child is dismissed from school for the school’s spring vacation and ending at the time school resumes after that vacation.

5. Extended Summer Possession by Possessory Conservator—

With Written Notice by April 1—If Possessory Conservator gives Managing Conservator written notice by April 1 of a year specifying an extended period or periods of summer possession for that year, Possessory Conservator shall have possession of the child for thirty days beginning no earlier than the day after the child’s school is dismissed for the summer vacation and ending no later than seven days before school resumes at the end of the summer vacation in that year, to be exercised in no more than two separate periods of at least seven consecutive days each, as specified in the written notice, provided that the period or periods of extended summer possession do not interfere with Father’s Day Weekend. These periods of possession shall begin and end at 6:00 p.m.

Without Written Notice by April 1—If Possessory Conservator does not give Managing Conservator written notice by April 1 of a year specifying an extended period or periods of summer possession for that year, Possessory Conservator shall have possession of the child for thirty consecutive days in that year beginning at 6:00 p.m. on July 1 and ending at 6:00 p.m. on July 31.

Notwithstanding the Thursday periods of possession during the regular school term and the weekend periods of possession ORDERED for Possessory Conservator, it is explicitly ORDERED that Managing Conservator shall have a superior right of possession of the child as follows:

1. Spring Break in Odd–Numbered Years—In odd-numbered years, beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the day the child is dismissed from school for the school’s spring vacation and ending at 6:00 p.m. on the day before school resumes after that vacation.

2. Summer Weekend Possession by Managing Conservator—If Managing Conservator gives Possessory Conservator written notice by April 15 of a year, Managing Conservator shall have possession of the child on any one weekend beginning at 6:00 p.m. on Friday and ending at 6:00 p.m. on the following Sunday during any one period of the extended summer possession by Possessory Conservator in that year, provided that Managing Conservator picks up the child from Possessory Conservator and returns the child to that same place and that the weekend so designated does not interfere with Father’s Day Weekend.

3. Extended Summer Possession by Managing Conservator—If Managing Conservator gives Possessory Conservator written notice by April 15 of a year or gives Possessory Conservator fourteen days’ written notice on or after April 16 of a year, Managing Conservator may designate one weekend beginning no earlier than the day after the child’s school is dismissed for the summer vacation and ending no later than seven days before school resumes at the end of the summer vacation, during which an otherwise scheduled weekend period of possession by Possessory Conservator shall not take place in that year, provided that the weekend so designated does not interfere with Possessory Conservator’s period or periods of extended summer possession or with Father’s Day Weekend.

(e) Holidays Unaffected by Distance

Notwithstanding the weekend and Thursday periods of possession of Possessory Conservator, Managing Conservator and Possessory Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child as follows:

1. Christmas Holidays in Even-Numbered Years—In even-numbered years, Possessory Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child beginning at the time the child’s school is regularly dismissed on the day the child is dismissed from school for the Christmas school vacation and ending at noon on December 28, and Managing Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child beginning at noon on December 28 and ending at 6:00 p.m. on the day before school resumes after that Christmas school vacation.

2. Christmas Holidays in Odd-Numbered Years—In odd-numbered years, Managing Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the day the child is dismissed from school for the Christmas school vacation and ending at noon on December 28, and Possessory Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child beginning at noon on December 28 and ending at the time the child’s school resumes after that Christmas school vacation.

3. Thanksgiving in Odd-Numbered Years—In odd-numbered years, Possessory Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child beginning at the time the child’s school is regularly dismissed on the day the child is dismissed from school for the Thanksgiving holiday and ending at the time the child’s school resumes after that Thanksgiving holiday.

4. Thanksgiving in Even-Numbered Years—In even-numbered years, Managing Conservator shall have the right to possession of the child beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the day the child is dismissed from school for the Thanksgiving holiday and ending at 6:00 p.m. on the Sunday following Thanksgiving.

5. Child’s Birthday—If a conservator is not otherwise entitled under this Standard Possession Order to present possession of the child on the child’s birthday, that conservator shall have possession of the child and the child’s minor siblings beginning at 6:00 p.m. and ending at 8:00 p.m. on that day, provided that that conservator picks up the child from the other conservator’s residence and returns the child to that same place.

6. Father’s Day Weekend—Father shall have the right to possession of the child each year, beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the Friday preceding Father’s Day and ending at 6:00 p.m. on Father’s Day, provided that if Father is not otherwise entitled under this Standard Possession Order to present possession of the child, he shall pick up the child from the other conservator’s residence and return the child to that same place.

7. Mother’s Day Weekend—Mother shall have the right to possession of the child each year, beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the Friday preceding Mother’s Day and ending at 6:00 p.m. on Mother’s Day, provided that if Mother is not otherwise entitled under this Standard Possession Order to present possession of the child, she shall pick up the child from the other conservator’s residence and return the child to that same place.

(g) General Terms and Conditions

Except as otherwise explicitly provided in this Standard Possession Order, the terms and conditions of possession of the child that apply regardless of the distance between the residence of a parent and the child are as follows:

1. Surrender of Child by Managing Conservator—Managing Conservator is ORDERED to surrender the child to Possessory Conservator at the beginning of each period of Possessory Conservator’s possession at the residence of Managing Conservator.

If a period of possession by Possessory Conservator begins at the time the child’s school is regularly dismissed, Managing Conservator is ORDERED to surrender the child to Possessory Conservator at the beginning of each such period of possession at the school in which the child is enrolled. If the child is not in school, Possessory Conservator shall pick up the child at the residence of Managing Conservator at 6:00 p.m., and Managing Conservator is ORDERED to surrender the child to Possessory Conservator at the residence of Managing Conservator at 6:00 p.m. under these circumstances.

2. Surrender of Child by Possessory Conservator—Possessory Conservator is ORDERED to surrender the child to Managing Conservator at the residence of Managing Conservator at the end of each period of possession.

3. Return of Child by Possessory Conservator—Possessory Conservator is ORDERED to return the child to the residence of Managing Conservator at the end of each period of possession. However, it is ORDERED that, if Managing Conservator and Possessory Conservator live in the same county at the time of rendition of this order, Possessory Conservator’s county of residence remains the same after rendition of this order, and Managing Conservator’s county of residence changes, effective on the date of the change of residence by Managing Conservator, Possessory Conservator shall surrender the child to Managing Conservator at the residence of Possessory Conservator at the end of each period of possession.

If a period of possession by Possessory Conservator ends at the time the child’s school resumes, Possessory Conservator is ORDERED to surrender the child to Managing Conservator at the end of each such period of possession at the school in which the child is enrolled or, if the child is not in school, at the residence of Managing Conservator at [address].

4. Surrender of Child by Possessory Conservator—Possessory Conservator is ORDERED to surrender the child to Managing Conservator, if the child is in Possessory Conservator’s possession or subject to Possessory Conservator’s control, at the beginning of each period of Managing Conservator’s exclusive periods of possession, at the place designated in this Standard Possession Order.

5. Return of Child by Managing Conservator—Managing Conservator is ORDERED to return the child to Possessory Conservator, if Possessory Conservator is entitled to possession of the child, at the end of each of Managing Conservator’s exclusive periods of possession, at the place designated in this Standard Possession Order.

6. Personal Effects—Each conservator is ORDERED to return with the child the personal effects that the child brought at the beginning of the period of possession.

7. Designation of Competent Adult—Each conservator may designate any competent adult to pick up and return the child, as applicable. IT IS ORDERED that a conservator or a designated competent adult be present when the child is picked up or returned.

8. Inability to Exercise Possession—Each conservator is ORDERED to give notice to the person in possession of the child on each occasion that the conservator will be unable to exercise that conservator’s right of possession for any specified period.

9. Written Notice—Written notice shall be deemed to have been timely made if received or postmarked before or at the time that notice is due.

10. Notice to School and Managing Conservator—If Possessory Conservator’s time of possession of the child ends at the time school resumes and for any reason the child is not or will not be returned to school, Possessory Conservator shall immediately notify the school and Managing Conservator that the child will not be or has not been returned to school.

This concludes the Standard Possession Order.

Again, a Judge may under varied circumstances change any provision of a Standard Possession Order.

Fathers Have Rights – Establishing Paternity

Paternity is defined as the quality or state of being a father. Many issues arise in the face of a father being denied access to his child or wondering if he is truly the child’s father. Where paternity of a child is in question, a mother or alleged father may ask the court to determine paternity of one or several possible fathers.

Most paternity actions involve a child born out of wedlock. However, paternity actions also occur between married persons where someone other than the husband is the father of the child, or where the husband has fathered a child outside of the marriage. There is a presumption that a child born to a married woman is the child of the husband. However, this presumption can be overcome by DNA or other valid evidence.

If you are questioning paternity, think about when the child could have been conceived. Consider when you had relevant or timely intercourse. Understand that paternity is determined by testing DNA from the father and the mother through the use of genetic fingerprinting. DNA testing is done by drawing blood or by taking a buccal swab, when cells are wiped from the inside of the mouth with a cotton swab. These tests can determine the father of a child with up to 99% accuracy. DNA testing is currently the most advanced and accurate technology to determine parentage. Generally paternity testing is paid for by the father.

If you file a paternity suit, you can request the court order DNA testing. A court may order the mother, father and the child to submit to testing. Paternity testing can be done during pregnancy or when the child is as young as one day old.

Paternity proceedings can be filed by the alleged father, mother, child or child support division of a state. A private action for paternity is usually prosecuted to secure child support payments from the father, parenting time with the child, and/or fair rights and privilege allocation.

Some men are confident that they are the biological father and wish to maintain a legal relationship with the child whether or not they are the father and thus either initiate paternity actions or consent to the entry of a paternity order. The paternity order entitles the father to visitation time with the child and creates a legal duty for the father to provide for the support of the child in addition to awarding him rights and privileges regarding the child’s future development.

When you consent to the entry of a paternity order, absent fraud, you consent for life. Most jurisdictions will not allow you to escape the consequences of that order, including the requirement of payment for the support of the child. If there is a chance that you will resent the child, or wish to break off the relationship with the child or, if you ultimately learn that you are not the child’s biological father, make certain you obtain a DNA test before legally admitting and therefore confirming that you are a child’s father.

Custody of a child can either be awarded to the father or the mother in a paternity action depending on the facts. Child support in a paternity action is generally set according to state law standards unless the parties sign an agreement providing for the payment of child support that is approved by the court.

Reasons to establish paternity: to provide the child with a needed identity; to confirm rights, privileges and duties of a parent; to know the health history of both the mother and father for medical care and treatment of a child; establish financial support for the child; establish health insurance coverage, social security eligibility, inheritance and other benefits; and seek public assistance where qualified.

Active Military Duty: How Will It Affect My Relationship With My Child?

Beginning September 1, 2009, under new Texas legislation the courts have a right to temporarily amend certain existing orders concerning a parent who is ordered to military deployment, military mobilization or temporary military duty.

If a conservator is ordered to military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty that involves moving a substantial distance from the conservator’s residence so as to materially affect the conservator’s ability to exercise the conservator’s rights and duties in relation to his or her child, either conservator may file for an order under subchapter (a) of Section 153.702 of the Texas Family Code.

The Court may then render a temporary order in a proceeding under this subchapter regarding:

1. possession of or access to the child; or
2. child support.

A temporary order of the court under this subchapter may grant rights to and impose duties on a designated person (with certain limitations) regarding the child, except the court may not require the designated person to pay child support.

After a conservator’s military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty is concluded, and the conservator returns to the conservator’s usual residence, the temporary orders under this section terminate and the rights of all affected parties are governed by the terms of any court order that was applicable before the conservator was not ordered to military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty.

Further, if the conservator with the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child is ordered to military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty, the court may order appointment of a designated person to exercise the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child during the military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty in the following order of preference:

1. the conservator who does not have the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child;
2. if appointing the conservator described by Subdivision (1) is not in the child’s best interest, a designated person chosen by the conservator with the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child; or
3. if appointing the conservator described by Subdivision (1) or the person chosen under Subdivision (2) is not in the child’s best interest, another person chosen by the court.

A designated person named in a temporary order rendered under this section has the rights and duties of a nonparent appointed as sole managing conservator under Section 153.371 of the Texas Family Code.

The court may limit or expand the rights of a nonparent named as a designated person in a temporary order rendered under this section as appropriate for the best interest of the child.

If the court appoints the conservator without the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child, the court may award visitation with the child to a designated person chosen by the conservator with the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child.

1. The periods of visitation shall be the same as the visitation to which the conservator without the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child was entitled under the court order in effect immediately before the date the temporary order.

2. The temporary order for visitation must provide that.:
a. the designated person under this section has the right to possession of the child for the periods and in the manner in which the conservator without the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child is entitled under the court order in effect immediately before the date of temporary order.
b. the child’s other conservator and the designated person under this section are subject to the requirements of Section 153.316(a) with the designated person considered for purposes of that section to be the possessory conservator;
c. the designated person under this section has the rights and duties of a nonparent possessory conservator under Section 153.376(a) during the period that the person has possession of the child; and
d. the designated person under this section is subject to any provision in a court order restricting or prohibiting access to the child by any specified individual.

3. The court may limit or expand the rights of a nonparent designated person named in a temporary order under this section as appropriate for the best interest of the child.

If the parent without exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child is ordered to military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty, the court may award visitation with the child to a designated person chosen by such conservator if the visitation is in the best interest of the child.

The temporary order for visitation must provide that:

1. the designated person under this section has the right to possession of the child for the periods and in the manner in which the conservator described by Subsection (a) would be entitled if not ordered to military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty;
2. the child’s other conservator and the designated person under this section are subject to the requirements of Section 153.316, with the designated person considered for purposes of that section to be the possessory conservator;
3. the designated person under this section has the rights and duties of a nonparent possessory conservator under Section 153.376(a) during the period that the designated person has possession of the child; and
4. the designated person under this section is subject to any provision in a court order restricting or prohibiting access to the child by any specified individual.

The court may limit or expand the rights of a nonparent designated person named in a temporary order under this section as appropriate and as is in the best interest of the child.

Child Custody: Staying Close to Your Kids

When a custody lawsuit commences, parents need to be thinking primarily about what is in the best interest of the child(ren). The needs and rights of the child(ren) are of paramount importance in a child custody case and the court’s primary focus.

In accordance with Section 153.002 of the Texas Family Code, parents are ordinarily considered to be equal in their right to parent their child(ren). It is the best interests of the child(ren) that are paramount, and the aim of the Texas Family Code is to:

1. Assure that child(ren) will have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interest of the child(ren);

2. Provide a safe, stable, and non-violent environment for the child(ren); and

3. Encourage parents to share in the rights and duties of raising their child(ren) after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage.

If you are a parent who is preparing for a custody battle, you would do well to make this your primary goal throughout the litigation.

Vengeful parents often engage in destructive conduct by trying to move out of state in an attempt to separate the child(ren) geographically from the non-custodial parent. If vengeance is the custodial parent’s primary motive, this has many benefits: it becomes more difficult for the non-custodial parent to exercise visitation, and at the same time makes it more difficult (and expensive) for the non-custodial parent to seek relief through the courts for denied visitation or other wrongful acts by the custodial parent. A move-away, depending upon distance, can also isolate the child(ren) from the non-custodial parent. If you suspect your spouse may do this, you need to be prepared and act proactively. A key item to have incorporated into final paperwork is an “anti-move-away” clause. Essentially, this states that if the custodial parent moves more than a certain number of miles away, custody changes to the remaining parent and/or restricting the permanent domicile of the child(ren) to designated counties.

Stay meaningfully involved in your child(ren)’s lives on a regular and continuing basis. Being heavily involved with your child(ren) for very short periods of time will not bring favor in the eyes of the court.

Keep a detailed record or diary of the details of how much you have been involved with your child(ren)’s school and extracurricular activities. Attend school meetings. Take pictures. Schedule family vacations. Visit relatives and friends and schedule sleepovers with your child(ren)’s peers. Take your child(ren) to the dentist and the doctor. Don’t spoil your child(ren), reasonably discipline your child(ren) when necessary and document why you took such action. Take advantage of extra time extended you by your spouse and try to extend visitation when possible if only for a couple of hours. Initiate and support birthdays, school activities, and college requirements. Document all relevant case issues and facts.

Keep in mind that your child(ren) are not equipped to deal with the range of emotions experienced by an adult, and that ventilating your personal difficulties on them is not only unhelpful, but can be a form of abuse and can create lasting emotional scars and is viewed with disfavor in the courthouse.

Parents preparing for custody cases before the court in Texas must be mindful of the extraordinary damage they can do when denigrating the other spouse in front of their child(ren). Such behavior is not only damaging to the child(ren), but may and usually will, be taken into consideration by the court. A noticeable failure to maintain self-control may be considered an indicator of an inability to parent.

If you can remain involved in your child(ren)’s lives enough to find out how his or her relationship is with your former spouse, you may be able to build a better case to show the court you are the better custodial parent, and in the meantime productively provide for your child(ren) in his or her best interest.

Women at Risk: The Hazards of a Bad Relationship

Abusive men, and women (physical or mental), are all about control and frequently evolve from abusive homes themselves. Police desire to help abused women, but often even after a complaint has been filed, women will not pursue the charges out of fear. Feeling helpless, they are often terrified, brain-washed and really believe that they have nowhere to go. It is not uncommon for an abuser to be very charismatic and after beating his victim return home the following day with flowers showing great affection to his victim. Unfortunately, the victim tends to believe the transparent words “I’ll never do it again!”

One of the most frustrating things for family and friends outside a battering relationship is trying to understand why the abused person doesn’t just leave. It is important to remember that extreme emotional abuse is always present in domestic violence situations. Violence takes place in many forms, is unpredictable and can happen all of the time or just once in a while. Violence is criminal including physical and sexual assault. It is paramount to remember that physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.

Some of the reasons partners stay in domestic violence situations are:

1. Economic dependence.
2. Fear of greater physical danger or danger for children.
3. Fear of being hunted down and suffering worse beatings.
4. Survival. Fear that the abuser will kill.
5. Fear of emotional damage to children.
6. Fear of losing custody of children.
7. Lack of alternative housing.
8. Lack of job skills.
9. Social isolation resulting in lack of support from family and friends.
10. Social isolation resulting in lack of information about her alternatives and support systems.
11. Lack of understanding from family and friends, police, ministers.
12. Negative response from community, police, courts, social workers.
13. Fear of involvement in the court process.
14. Fear of the unknown, chronic anxiety, and/or depression.
15. Acceptable violence. Living with constant abuse numbs the victim so that they are unable to recognize that they are involved in a set pattern.
16. Ties to the community. The children would have to leave their school, and family would have to leave friends and neighbors.
17. Ties to home and belongings.
18. Family pressure.
19. Denial.
20. Loyalty.
21. Love. Often an abuser is quite loveable and loyal when he is not being abusive.
22. Shame and humiliation. “I don’t want anyone else to know.”
23. Guilt. They believe the abuse is caused by some inadequacy of their own.
24. Demolished self-esteem.
25. Lack of emotional support.

The following is a bill of rights for women in abusive relationships:

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid.”
14. I have the right to say “I don’t know.”
15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to make friends.
21. I have the right to change and grow.
22. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
23. I have the right to be happy.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused or neglected. Even if the children are not physically harmed, they are likely to have serious emotional and behavioral problems and scars.

Abusers try to control their victim’s lives. When abusers feel a loss of control – like when the abused person leaves them – the abuse may get worse. If you are in an abusive situation, take special precautions when you leave. Develop a safety plan.

Father’s Rights – Visitation Enforcement

• What is needed for visitation enforcement?
  
  A valid court order that has been signed by a judge or issued by the district clerk’s office, certified as having been signed by a judge.
  
  Be sure to read your order thoroughly. If you do not understand any of the provisions, take it to an attorney and have them explain it to you.
  
  The custodial parent must have been validly served with the court order or it must be shown that the they had prior knowledge of the court order and its content.
  
  The custodial parent must have full knowledge of the above two factors and must be intentionally and willfully violating the court order.
  
  Despite the fact that you may have a valid court order, many police departments do not want to get involved in enforcing civil orders. If you call the police department and show them the order they may or may not assist you in gaining access to your children. Despite whether you get your children or not, you need to ask them to create a police report stating that you were there to pick up your children and noting the time and date you were present. If the police refuse to prepare a report, go to a local grocery store or fast food restaurant and purchase something so that you have a receipt stating that you were in the area and stating the date and time you were there.
• 
  How to prove a denial of visitation.
  
  Take a witness along with you – preferably an off-duty constable or deputy or neutral party. Have your witness stay in the vehicle, but with the window down so that he/she can hear any conversations that take place. Have your vehicle parked in such a way that the witness can see you at all times.
  
  Take a copy of your divorce decree along with you which shows you are suppose to have possession of your children on the date and time you arrive to pick them up.
  
  Always be on time, and if possible a few minutes early.
  
  If the custodial parent does not answer the door or have the child available to exercise visitation then call the police and request a Police Incident Report. If the police will not issue a police report then make sure you document the incident as best as possible. After two or three violations, take the reports, along with any witness statements, to an attorney to discuss how to bring an enforcement action against the custodial parent who is violating the order.
  
  Take a tape recorder with you, have it running from the time you approach the residence, and do not stop it until you leave. Keep the tape recorder running as you leave the area. As you approach the residence state the following facts in the recorder: your complete name, the address you are approaching, the reason you are there “I am going to pick up my children as stated in the final decree,” state who is with you and why, state the time of day, state when you are leaving and a brief description of what occurred. Keep a written record of each recording and label them according to date.
  
  Keep a calendar of each denied visitation.
  
  Make sure you have a credible witness each time you try to exercise your possession with your children.
  
  Do not argue with your ex-spouse regardless of how angry you are or whether you get your children or not. Staying calm will work in your favor in the long run.
  
  If you file an enforcement action, if the custodial parent continues to deny you visitation after the suit is brought, continue to go and knock on the door to exercise your visitation, as each separate violation of the court order can be used in the enforcement action.

A Father’s Rights

Courts, legislatures and juries are becoming more aware of the necessity of father’s being involved in the lives of their children. Children with positive father involvement have fewer behavior problems, higher levels of sociability, and perform better in school.

Recent research suggests that father involvement during pregnancy affects multiple areas of child and family well- being, from prenatal care initiation and mother and child health outcomes, to the likelihood that the father will provide ongoing financial and emotional support. This body of research is gaining momentum. Local and regional governmental agencies are focusing more and more on parental father involvement in the lives of children.

As a result of the changes taking place in society today, the Courts are now recognizing a father’s ability to care for his children as becoming equal to that of the mother. Starting out on an equal plane, the Court may look to which parent is more stable, has a superior income, has a parenting plan in place for the child and is capable of providing proper child care and spending more quality time with the child.

If a father ignorantly gives up rights to his children based on prejudices of the past in the Court system he can feed a mother’s confidence and sponsor unnecessary ongoing litigation. The number one mistake made by father’s in the court system today is a failure to take the time to learn how the system works. Failing to learn how the family law system works may doom your case. Once you have learned the ins and outs of the family law system you will need to form a plan, set goals and never relent in enforcing your rights as a father.

Five of the biggest mistakes men make in a legal action are: 1) failing to respond to the legal action itself; 2) obtaining incorrect legal advice (from friends and family rather than a legal expert); 3) signing a settlement agreement they are not in agreement with and later deeply regretting it; 4) failing to perform under the actual settlement agreement signed; and 5) getting frustrated and/or acquiescing to unreasonable orders.

Some of the things you may want to consider as you prepare for the custody battle are as follows:

1. Who has the financial ability to best care for the child(ren)? Be sure to have income tax verification, W-2 Forms and other financial information available.
2. Form a parenting plan (child care, after school care, transportation, pediatrician, etc.).
3. Who is more stable and/or can provide the best home for the child(ren)?
4. Where has the child(ren) been attending school? Is it possible to keep the child in the same school district?
5. Prepare a chronology of events leading up to the divorce including treatment of the child(ren), time spent with the child(ren), activities with the child(ren), the child(ren)’s schedule.
6. Consider if a home study should be prepared regarding each home of the child.
7. Consider whether a psychological evaluation should be done on the mother?
8. Is drug testing necessary? (Be sure to request hair follicle drug testing.)
9. Is there an alcohol or other addiction problem in the home?
10. Who can provide the best moral upbringing for the children?
11. Is there evidence such as pictures, video tapes, etc. that may help your case?
12. Avoid unnecessary compromising photos or data on Facebook or other social networking sites.

List any other relevant issues you feel may be important to your case before you meet with an attorney.

The most important thing to remember is that your failure, if based on dated concepts and inapplicable worn out prejudices, will be her victory and your parental failure.

The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act

If a child and one of the child’s parents live in Texas, a child support order or paternity determination may be established without the assistance of another state. If the parents have already had sufficient contact with Texas, the Attorney General of Texas may be able to enter an order even if the parents do not currently reside here. If another state’s assistance is needed the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act enables Texas and other states to cooperate to establish a child support order.

The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act permits only one active support order for a case at a time. This cuts down on delays and confusion. If several orders exist, the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act has rules to determine which order should be followed (the “Controlling Order”).

Orders may be registered in different states for enforcement and modification purposes. Orders registered from another state are enforced as an order issued by the responding state.

States now have more power to collect payments from child support obligors who live in other states. The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act allows states to enforce their orders without the assistance of the state where the obligor lives. In many cases, a withholding order can be sent directly to an out-of-state non-custodial parent’s employer, requiring that child support be deducted from the parent’s wages.

The order can be registered by the other (responding) state for enforcement, but it cannot be changed by that state. The responding state has the authority to pursue collection using enforcement hearings, license suspension and incarceration of the delinquent non-custodial parent if necessary.

Changes in circumstances, such as job promotions, prolonged unemployment or disability, may affect the noncustodial parent’s payment status in the years following the establishment of the support order. Such changes may justify a modification in the support order.

The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act sets the ground rules for modification based on the state issuing the order, the states of residence of the parents and children, and the controlling order. If either of the parents or the child still lives in the state that issued the controlling order, any change in the support amount must occur in that state.

If all parties involved have left the state that issued the controlling order, that state may not be able to change the support amount. To change support, the order must be registered for modification in the state of residence of the parent who is not seeking the modification. If more than one state has issued an order, and none of the parties lives in those states, none of the orders is controlling.

All of the orders should be registered in the state that has jurisdiction over both parties. That state will calculate the amount of support to be paid and will issue a new controlling order.

The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act also allows both parents to agree in writing that a state where one parent resides may modify the order and take control of the case.

Once a state properly modifies another state’s order, the new amount of support is the amount to be collected by all states.

The Legal Befuddlement of Legal Same Sex Unions

Only in the states of Iowa, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire (effective January 1st, 2010), Maine, Vermont (effective September 1, 2009) and California (between June 17, 2008 and November 4, 2008) can same sex couples legally get married. The U.S. Constitutional protections under the Full Faith and Credit Clause provides little solace in the remaining states, unless the marriage has somehow been declared or ordered in an actual judgment of a court with Jurisdiction in the marrying state. The idea that each state will honor and enforce each other state’s judgments does not generally extend to policies contra to the policies of the other state. Although the question is not finally settled by the United States Supreme Court to a certainty, full faith and credit will not generally require a state to recognize or enforce a policy forbidden in the resident state. This places same sex married couples from states in which same sex marriages are valid in a befuddling and precarious situation should they migrate to a different state for employment, family, or other personal reasons.

Some states such as New York, New Jersey, California, Nevada, Oregon and Washington state have recognized legal domestic partnership or domestic civil unions. Texas is not such a state so obtaining a divorce, separation or division of assets in a same sex relationship (whether originally legally married or not) in the state of Texas requires manipulation and application of Texas partnership and property codes, probate considerations along with various other contractual considerations.

Texas family law considerations for same sex couples in adoption situations becomes even more complicated requiring careful compliance with Texas state law and the adoption process to avoid donor issues, limitations, judicial estoppel and case law precedent in Texas which does not recognize or enforce same sex couple marriages.

If a co-parent adoption is properly followed, it is possible in Texas to have two moms or two dads which will be recognized under the Texas Family Code. In such cases a suit affecting the parent child relationship (SAPCR Action) is the appropriate remedy for recognition of and consideration of the minor children of the same sex union by adoption. Child support, health care insurance, visitation, possession and access rights of the parties, transportation costs, and injunctions that preserve the status quo and peace of all parties concerned are all subject to proper litigation and judgment under the Texas Family Code.

Regrettably, under the current Texas law, same sex unions or marriages validly performed and recognized in a state authorizing and providing jurisdiction for such legal relationships will not help the parties in the state of Texas, where it often counts most: health insurance, social security, disability insurance, child support, alimony, etc. The current state of law in Texas further ignores the underlying policy recognized in all states to always consider the best interest of the children. Regardless of policy considerations and decisions with regard to same sex unions, children are never at fault and making their children illegal citizens or citizens unworthy of protection cannot be in their best interest under any interpretation of state policy. Absent legal hoop jumping and manipulation, they are practically children without legal rights in the state of Texas.

Divorce: What is separate property and what is community property?

Under the Texas Family Code, a spouses separate property consists of 1) the property owned or claimed by the spouse before marriage; 2) the property acquired by the spouse during marriage by gift, devise, or descent, and 3) the recovery for personal injuries sustained by the spouse during marriage, except any recovery for loss of earning capacity during marriage.

The terms “owned and claimed” as used in the Texas Family Code mean that where the right to the property accrued before marriage, the property would be separate. Inception of title occurs when a party first has a right of claim to the property by virtue of which title is finally vested. The existence or nonexistence of the marriage at the time of incipiency of the right of which title finally vests determines whether property is community or separate. Inception of title occurs when a party first has a right of claim to the property.

Under Texas Constitution, Art. XVI, Section 15, separate property is defined as all property, both real and personal, of a spouse owned or claimed before marriage, and that acquired afterward by gift, devise or descent, shall be the separate property of that spouse; and laws shall be passed more clearly defining the rights of the spouses, in relation to separate and community property; provided that persons about to marry and spouses, without the intention to defraud pre-existing creditors, may by written instrument from time to time partition between themselves all or part of their property, then existing or to be acquired, or exchange between themselves the community interest of one spouse or future spouse in any property for the community interest of the other spouse or future spouse in other community property then existing or to be acquired, whereupon the portion or interest set aside to each spouse shall be and constitute a part of the separate property and estate of such spouse or future spouse; spouses may also from time to time, by written instrument, agree between themselves that the income or property from all or part of the separate property then owned or which thereafter might be acquired by only one of them, shall be the separate property of that spouse; if one spouse makes a gift of property to the other that gift is presumed to include all income or property which might arise from that gift of property; and spouses may agree in writing that all or part of the separate property owned by either or both of them shall be the spouses’ community property.

In 1917 the Legislature defined and income from separate property to be the separate property of the owner spouse. In Arnold v. Leonard, 114 Tex. 535,273 S.W. 799 (1925), the Supreme Court held that the Legislature did not have the constitutional authority to characterize the income from separate property as the owner’s separate property. The court explained that the Legislature’s authority was limited to enacting laws regulating the management and liability of marital property, not its separate or community character. This decision strengthened the constitutional principal that the Legislature may not define what is community and separate property in a manner inconsistent with Article 16, Section 15 of the Texas Constitution.

There are numerous means by which separate property may be acquired in defiance of Article 16, Section 15, a partial list includes mutations of separate property, increases in value of separate land and personality, recovery for personal injury not measured by loss of earning power, improvements of separate land with an unascertainable amount of community funds, and United States Securities purchased with community funds.

Although such property may undergo changes or mutations, as long as it is traced and properly identified it will remain separate property.

The Texas Family Code defines community property as follows: “community property consists of the property, other than separate property, acquired by either spouse during marriage.”

Texas Family Code, Section 3.003 states that all property possessed by either spouse during or at the dissolution of the marriage is presumed to be community property and that the degree of proof necessary to establish that property is separate property, rather than community property, is clear and convincing evidence. Clear and convincing evidence is defined as that measure or degree of proof that will produce in the mind of the trier of fact a firm belief or conviction as to the truth of the allegations sought to be established. If property cannot be proved to be separate property, then it is deemed to be community property.

The Texas Family Code, Section 7.002, deals with quasi-community property and requires a court divide property wherever the property is situated, if 1) the property was acquired by either spouse while domiciled in another state and the property would have been community property if the spouse who acquired the property had been domiciled in Texas at the time of acquisition; or 2) property was acquired by either spouse in exchange for real or personal property and that property would have been community property if the spouse who acquired the property so exchanged had been domiciled in Texas at the time of the acquisition.

Children in Distress: What to Do When You Need Emergency Relief

The right to obtain physical possession of a child, the right to obtain temporary relief without prior notice to the other party, and the right to exclude a party from a residence are all special circumstances in which emergency relief may be requested.

A writ of attachment is a court order requiring a child be produced at a particular location at a particular time. It is used in situations where a party is entitled to possession of a child under a court order. It may also be used when an emergency exists and a child is in imminent danger to his or her physical or emotional welfare.

The remedy is extraordinary. As such, specific facts must be alleged to command the court to issue the writ. The writ should be requested only when necessary to protect the welfare of the child.

Section 105.001 of the Texas Family Code provides the court may not render an order, except on a verified pleading or an affidavit which (1) attached the body of a child; (2) takes the child into the possession of the court or into the possession of a person designated by the court or (3) excludes a parent from possession of or access to a child.

Requests for writs of attachment are contained in petitions, motions and applications in suits affecting the parent child relationship and are filed ancillary to other requests. The court must then make a determination as to whether the necessity exists for the writ and the applications are in proper order.

The court issues a writ commanding any sheriff or constable to attach the body of a child and deliver the child to a designated place. That designated place is a location specified by the court who may command that the child be brought to the court or the court may provide a location where the child may be delivered by law enforcement.

Habeas corpus actions are brought when a party claiming a right to possession of a child is seeking the court’s help in getting the child physically turned over to that party. The court shall compel return of the child to the person filing the habeas corpus only if the court finds that the filer is entitled to possession under the order.

If the court fails to compel return of the child, the court may issue temporary orders if a suit affecting the parent child relationship is pending. The court may issues such temporary orders only if the suit affecting parent child relationship is pending and the temporary hearing is set at the same time as the habeas corpus hearing. The court may then enter an order if a serious immediate question concerning the welfare of the child is shown at the temporary hearing.

The court has defined “serious and immediate question” to mean imminent danger of physical or emotional harm that requires immediate action to protect the child. If a right to possession is established, the exception to granting the writ occurs when a serious and immediate question concerning the welfare of the child exists. If the writ is denied after the right to possession under a prior court order is established, the Texas Supreme Court requires the trial court issue a written temporary order containing a finding that there is a serious and immediate question concerning the child.

A serious and immediate question, although often alleged, is rarely found in habeas corpus actions.

A temporary order, when entered, should not be a final adjudication of custody. At a minimum, the temporary order should contain the filer’s temporary rights to possession and should set a further hearing.

A Child’s Testimony and the Law

The Texas Family Code provides for the child to have a voice in the Courtroom. The “voice” appears in many forms and in many places in the Texas Family Code.

Texas Family Code Section 153.008 allows a child to file his/her preference with the Court, if the child is 12 years of age or older. This statute infers that the child’s preference is binding if the Court approves the designation. However, the statute is absent any coercive language. Many argue that the age of 12 is too young or too immature to understand the impact of a preference. “12” is not a magical number. The statute also does not state that the Court must make a determination upon the executed preference.

Although one can view the filing of a preference as a “voice” of the child, many litigants view the filing as a starting place, just a request of the child. The same child who may sign a preference for one parent having the right to determine he said primary residence, may also prefer to live with the other parent. The right to determine the primary residence of the child is not necessarily the right to have primary physical possession – or is it?

The code continually strives to be gender neutral and avoid the use of the term: physical custody. The term “primary physical custody” is not contained in the statute, nor is there any language stating where the child lives or resides. Each parent gets possession for a certain period of time. Yet, no where does the code state “I live with mom/dad.”

Current law also states that a child may be a witness. The Code makes certain that family law will be conducted as other civil cases. Texas Family Code Section 104.002 gives specific rules for admission of a statement of a child who is under 12 years of age, and in cases that involve abuse. The idea is that the statement of the child will be pre-recorded and not simply a deposition. The statute is designated to give some comfort to the child in an atmosphere that may allow that abused child to feel safe. It is clear that 104.002 is designed for cases dealing with abuse only, as it has “exceptions” to what would otherwise be testimony under simple cross examination. The statute applies to children who are under the age of twelve years, with the idea that the statements are not elicited for purpose of establishing a preference, but for the purpose of establishing fact.

Section 153.009 allows an in chamber interview with the child. In a non-jury trial or at a hearing, on the application of a party, the amicus attorney or the attorney ad litem for the child, the court SHALL interview in chambers a child 12 years of age or older and MAY interview in chambers a child under 12 years of age to determine the child’s wishes as to conservatorship or as to the person who shall have the exclusive right to determine the child’s primary residence. The court may also interview a child in chambers on the court’s own motion for a purpose specified by this subsection.

In a non-jury trial or at a hearing on the application of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child or on the court’s own motion, the court may interview the child in chambers to determine the child’s wishes as to possession, access or any other issue in the suit affecting the parent-child relationship. Interviewing the child does not diminish the discretion or the court in determining the best interest of the child. In a jury trial, the court may not interview the child in chambers regarding an issue on which a party is entitled to a jury verdict. In any trial or hearing, the court may permit the attorney for a party, the amicus attorney, the guardian ad litem for the child, or the attorney ad litem for the child to be present at the interview. On the motion of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child, or on the court’s own motion, the court shall cause a record of the interview to be made with the child is 12 years of age or older. A record of the interview shall be part of the record in the case.

Under current law, the interview of a child in chambers is limited to a non-jury case and does not have any place in a jury trial. However, the statute is clear that the interview can lead to much more information for the Court than simply questioning the child’s wishes as to conservatorship. There is very little case law to guide the practitioner on this point.

There is nothing in the Family Code that precludes a child from testifying in a deposition. The use of deposition testimony may be the best approach to obtaining a child’s testimony in a jury trial. The parties may even agree to take the deposition at a place other than the law office, allowing a less hostile environment.

The use of pictures and family videos is another way to get a child’s voice heard.

Torn Apart: Children and Divorce

Despite the difficulties faced in a divorce, the children should not be placed in the center of the crossfire. During the divorce process, and sometimes following the divorce process, it is not uncommon for a parent to become so wrapped up in anger, vengeance or simply being “right” that they forget the effect the whole process is having on the children. Below are some behaviors to avoid and some suggestions to assist you with improving your communications during the divorce process:

1. Do not use children as messengers between “mom” and “dad.”

2. Do not criticize your former spouse in the presence of your children because children realize they are part “mom” and part “dad.”

3. Resist any temptation to allow your children to act as your caretaker. Children need to be allowed the freedom to be “children.” Taking on such responsibility at an early age degrades their self-esteem, feeds anger and hinders a child’s ability to relate to their peers.

4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Promote a good relationship for the benefit of the child.

5. Do not argue with your former spouse in the presence of the children. No matter what the situation, the child will feel torn between taking “mommy’s” side and “daddy’s” side.

6. At every step during the divorce process, remind yourself that your children’s interests are paramount, even over your own.

7. If you are the non-primary parent, pay your child support.

8. If you are the primary parent and are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. This feeds a child’s sense of abandonment and erodes their stability.

9. Remember that the Court’s view child support and child custody as two separate and distinct issues. Children do not understand whether “mommy” and/or “daddy” paid child support, but they do understand that “mommy” and/or “daddy” wants to see me.

10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. When a family is falling apart, a child needs a stable home and school life to buffer the trauma.

11. If you have an addiction problem, whether it be drugs, alcohol or any other affliction, seek help immediately. Such impairments inhibit your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need.

12. If you are having difficulty dealing with issues relating to your former spouse, discuss such issues with mental health professionals and counselors.

13. Reassure your children that they are loved and that they have no fault in the divorce.

Though these steps are not all-inclusive, they will assist you in dealing with the complex issues of a divorce and hopefully minimize the impact of the divorce process on the children.

Battered Women: End the Violence (the Protective Order)

The Texas Health and Human Services commission reported an estimated 982,916 Texas women were victims of domestic violence in the year 2006. In Texas, more than 800 women were killed by their domestic partners between 1998 and 2005. These statistics evidence the growing number of women in need of protection.

The legal system can offer some protection from family violence through the use of a Protective Order. A Protective Order is a civil court order that is designed to restrain an abuser from continuing acts of violence and threatening, harassing, or stalking conduct. All victims of family violence are eligible for a Protective Order. A court shall render a protective order if it finds that family violence has occurred and is likely to occur in the future. A victim’s testimony about family violence may be enough to obtain a protective order, without other documents such as a police reports.

Family, in Texas, has a very broad definition. Family can include relatives by blood or marriage, former spouses, parents of the same child (even if not married), foster parents or foster children, or any member or former member of a household (whether related by blood or marriage). Any adult member of the family may file for a Protective Order to protect himself or herself or any other member of the applicant’s family or household, including children or the elderly. The application may be obtained through the office of the county or district attorney, a private attorney or a legal aid program.

Protective orders can be important in ending or deterring family violence. The purpose of the order is to: prevent future violence, identify appropriate and inappropriate behavior and reinforce beliefs that family violence is wrong. A judge can create various conditions of a Protective Order. In such order he can force a respondent to vacate a residence, pay child support, attend counseling, and/or not possess a firearm. A Protective Order can require the abuser to stay away from the victim’s home, workplace, children, children’s school, and to keep a specific distance between the abuser and the victim. It can order the abuser to stop communicating in a harassing or threatening manner. Abusers who violate a protective order can be fined, arrested or both. Keep in mind, no piece of paper can protect you from all incidents of violence; however, a Protective Order provides a good deterrent in most situations.

If the court reviewing the application determines there is a real threat of family violence, the court may issue a temporary ex parte order without notice to the abuser which is valid for up to 20 days. The court will then set a hearing date for the final protective order which will take place within the 20 day period. At the final hearing, if the court so determines necessary, it may grant a final Protective Order that may be effective for up to two years.

Protective Orders are also available for people going through divorce. In this case, the Protective Order must be filed in the same court where the divorce is pending and the pleadings in both matters must state that the other matter is pending. It is important to remember that a Protective Order is not a custody determination and can not be used by one party to gain an advantage in a divorce proceeding.

Please contact your local law enforcement or domestic violence prevention agency immediately if you or someone you care about is a victim of family violence. Even if you are not eligible for a Protective Order, there may be other options available. For information on family violence contact the Texas Council on Family Violence, P.O. Box 161810, Austin, Texas 78716; Phone Number (512) 794-1133;
Website: http://www.tcfv.org.

The following is a safety planning list of things to get together if you are planning to leave: If you have children, take them and take your pets if you can:

Identification for yourself and your children:
Birth certificates
Social security cards
Driver’s license
Photo identification or passport
Welfare identification
Green card

Important personal papers:
Marriage certificate
Divorce papers
Custody orders
Protective orders or restraining orders
Health insurance papers and medical cards
Medical records for family members
School records for children
Investment papers/records and account numbers
Work permits
Immigration papers
Rental agreements/lease or house deed
Car title, registration and insurance information

Funds:
Cash
Credit cards
ATM card
Checkbook and bank (deposit slips)

Keys:
House
Car
Safety deposit box
Post office box

Way to communicate:
Phone calling card
Cell phone (pay as you go phone is less traceable)
Address book

Medications:
At least 1 month’s supply of all medications

Way to get by:
Jewelry or small objects you can sell if you run out of money
or your account access gets cut off

Things to help you cope:
Pictures
Keepsakes
Children’s small toys and books

Step-parent Conflict: Put the Kids First

Thirty seven percent of families in the United States are blended families. Sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce. A biological parent has his hands full, but as most step-parents will tell you, their job is even more complicated.

Following a divorce, it is not uncommon for a new step-parent to become the target of unprovoked spite or anger. In many cases, the previous-spouse harbors unfounded fears that their child will look to a new step-parent as a mother or father replacement figure. This can engender resentment to what may already be an uncomfortable situation between parties. Regretfully, these issues often escalate very quickly. Such resentments place the children squarely in the middle of a bitter fight between the people they love the most and are not healthy for anyone involved. The pain of conflicting loyalties to each parent and a child’s feeling of being “caught in the middle” of such disputes exacts an enormous emotional toll on a child. When a parent is in a rage, it is not uncommon for a child to withdraw. The child’s behavior towards the non-primary parent may abruptly change. This change in behavior may have more to do with keeping the primary parent happy than it does with how they really feel about the non-primary parent or step-parent. It is essential that you make it clear to your child that you love them and will always be there for them, regardless of the emotional or less than rosy current circumstances.

It is crucial to a child’s self-esteem and emotional growth that parents avoid putting children in the middle of such disputes. This can be incredibly difficult, however, when a selfish or manipulative parent does not think twice about wrongfully placing his or her child in the middle of conflict. Children are very perceptive and as they grow older they will ultimately realize when a parent has lied to them and used them for their own emotional or financial gain. Though they may temporarily identify with the aggressors, in time they will deeply resent the parent who has manipulated them.

Regardless of the circumstances, it is critical that biological parents avoid arguments or conflicts in the presence of the children. Such conduct is conducive to parental alienation goals of the misguided previous spouse. If the child sees that you maintain a calm and collected demeanor, it gives them reason to pause and feel safe.

If a previous spouse is making statements to the child regarding issues that should only be discussed between adults, tell the child that such discussions are inappropriate and you will take them up with the other parent at another time.

It is ok to tell your child “I am sorry,” if they are upset, even if you are not the parent upsetting them. This validates that they are hurting and relieves any false guilt they may have over things that are being said and done when you are not present. It is sometimes helpful to use everyday situations to explain conflict to your child. As an example, when dealing with conflict explain that “brothers and sisters fight, but they still love each other. Families have to work through conflict in order to stay together. I would not leave you if you made a mistake, I would not want you to leave me.” Such statements reinforces that reasonable conflict is ok and assures the child that you will remain a constant force in their life regardless of the situation.

If you feel that the conflict has escalated to a point of becoming emotionally abusive and/or destructive to the child, consult an attorney. It may be in the best interest of the child that he or she be removed from the primary parent and placed with the non-primary parent so that he or she is allowed to love all parental figures, parents and step-parents alike, unconditionally.

The Nacol Law Firm
Law office of attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth area for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333

The “Special Needs Child” in Divorce

Divorce is a difficult time for all family members, but especially for the children. A child that has a serious illness or difficulty prior to the initiation of a divorce may have such problem accelerate during the divorce process. We call such child the “Special Needs Child”. This child has apparent or diagnosed emotional/medical problems.

Special Needs children are seriously impacted by the decisions made during a divorce. It is important for parties to determine how meaningful, regular visitation will be accomplished and which parent will have the right to make major decisions on how to address the child’s emotional and medical needs. During a divorce, most parents have difficulty agreeing on issues, especially issues related to the problems associated with a special needs child.

1. Child with Emotional Issues:

Children will always experience some level of negative emotions during the divorce process, even in the best circumstances. When a child has a mental illness or emotional problem, how visitation periods are managed, who has the authority to make a decision on medical treatment and therapy and how such decisions will be followed and enforced in each parent’s household will greatly affect the success or failure of the final decree as it pertains to the child. It is very important to have an order that is flexible and meets the child’s changing needs, yet remains enforceable should action need to be taken due to a parent’s failure to meet the needs of the child.

Three of the most reported emotional and behavioral issues involving children are Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Behavioral or Conduct Disorders, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and chemical addictions.

2. Special Medical Needs

When a child has significant medical health problems or disabilities, parents may have very different opinions on who should be the decision maker regarding doctors, medications and regimens for a particular situation. This may be compounded by the emotions and breakdown in the marital relationship. The court must help to balance the needs and rights of the parents so that each has a voice in their child’s treatment decisions. It is also important that the parties, along with the Court, work for a consistent treatment protocol for the best interest of meeting the child’s medical needs.

The real battleground in custody cases becomes the allocation of rights and duties between the parties. This is exacerbated when the child involved has emotional or medical needs. Other factors that may compound issues are 1) other children involved and 2) whether they also have special needs. Major problems occur when there are differing views between the parents on how to best treat the problem, lack of consensus among medical and mental health professionals as to the appropriate protocol for treatment and uncertainty among family courts as to which protocol to “impose” upon the family.

Courts vary greatly on how each allocates rights and duties, even in joint managing conservatorship situations. In the event the parties cannot agree on the allocation of rights pertaining to educational and medical decisions, then the focus of a custody case becomes one of which parent can best make decisions that are in the best interest of the child.

To make a meaningful decision on the care of the child, the court will need evidence of the following:

· Which parent is the most involved in the decision marking as pertains to the relevant issue?
· What are the competing theories of how to best treat the child?
· Current opinions from the child’s physician and /or therapist.
· What is the generally accepted treatment for the specific condition?
· What is the likelihood of each parent following the protocol selected by the court?
· How successful has the treatment been in the past?
· What are the attitudes of the parents in relation to considering alternative methods if the current situation doesn’t work?
· Which parent has shown a proven effort at recognizing the child’s needs and working to address them?

The selection of a reputable expert in the particular field in which the child is affected is paramount to a true evaluation of the situation. Not all doctors and therapists are created equal, and the expert must be a specialist in working with the child’s specific problem.

The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972- 690-3333

Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 5

Trial Strategy – Constructive or Nonproductive

Throughout the tenure of a divorce or custody suit, strategies are employed to improve the strategic position of a spouse before the court or a civil jury.

A non-all-inclusive list of such pursuits of a spouse and his or her attorney may include the following non-productive trial strategies:

1. False claim of child abuse – frequently attorneys and/or their clients will make artificial or transparent claims of child abuse either directly to a jury in a trial or through the filing of a frivolous Child Protective Services complaint. Such ineffective claims may include claims of physical abuse (when in truth is a properly administered and appropriate corporal punishment for grievous conduct dangerous to the child), false claims of injury (whether it be normal scrapes and bruises occurring from play, garden variety accidents all children have, or fractures to the arm or leg occurring through no real fault of either spouse). Frequently, the claims are exaggerated with photographs and close up shots and, on occasion, artificial support from the minor child through the coercion of a spouse. Jury’s are very resentful of this approach and will hold the party asserting such frivolous claims accountable at the end of the day.

2. False claims of alcoholism, substance abuse and/or prescription drug excess – painting a picture of a spouse as an alcoholic or a danger to his or her child based on a glass of wine at an Italian restaurant is frequently a ploy attorneys will use given great social resentment to alcoholism, DWIs and general drug abuse. Certainly, if the abuse is real the claim is valid and is constructive. However, frequently clients will exaggerate social alcohol consumption that is reasonable and is looked upon by the jury as a waste of their time and they will frequently hold the party falsely alleging such abuse accountable.

3. WAR by financial attrition - if there is insufficient community property to adequately fund both sides of a divorce, one spouse may use outside sources of income in the form of family loans, gifts, spend thrift trust disbursements or other disbursements from relatives to financially bring the opposing spouse to his or her knees and demand agreement to terms that are unreasonable and not productive for the underfunded spouse or the children of the marriage. Regrettably, the divorce process is part of the adversary system of justice and leaves this unfair loophole open in such circumstances. Though not outright unethical, such conduct and strategy does not pass the smell test.

4. Cookie cutter witnesses – preachers, rabbis, soccer coaches, parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers and sisters generally bring a yawn from the jury or the court. If their testimony is direct, short and fact driven on an important core issue in a divorce or custody suit, they are necessary. In general, the jury’s perspective is, “what do you think a preacher, grandparent or soccer coach is going to say about the child in their care...that the mother or father they support are bad?”

5. Use of the children as spies – attorneys or clients that use the children to spy and give testimony before a court or jury almost always fail in their goal. Most judges and a majority of juries are highly resentful for bringing minor children into the fray and such a strategy is doomed to backfire before the judge or jury. Clearly, if a relatively mature child is the ONLY source of information that is core to the case and IF there is no other third party professional or other source to support the issue, sometimes the testimony is necessary. This is especially true in cases of real abuse, parental alienation and other destructive conduct that is fundamental to the issues of the case.

Productive strategies:

1. Here is a novel idea. How about truth and sincerity. It has been this writer’s experience that a jury will give some ear to experts, social workers, teachers, coaches, doctors, preachers and other witness with personal knowledge. Inevitably, the final result is driven by the truth and sincerity of the spouse testifying. With predictable regularity a jury will make their decision based squarely on the shoulders of the spouse testifying and the honesty and forthrightness of their testimony.

2. Experts – psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, doctors and other professionals will be given credibility to some degree by a jury IF their opinions are based on acceptable, acknowledged predictable science and IF they have spent sufficient time with the minor child and/or both parents to render a believable opinion. Rent-an-expert’s testimony is disdained by most juries and seen for what it is - as an opinion for hire. The longer the relationship between the testifying expert and the minor child, the greater the likelihood will be that the opinion is fairly received and considered by a court or jury.

3. Election by a minor over 12 years of age- any child over the age of 12 may sign an election (affidavit) of their preference of primary caregiver. The courts will strongly consider these elections and in the large number of the cases make a decision based on the child’s wishes. Juries will favorably consider such elections so long as they are based on believable facts and parental propriety. However, the securing of such an affidavit when in conjunction with a new car, a new wardrobe, or a loose, undisciplined parental attitude towards control of the child will result in the opposite of what the spouse seeks in obtaining such an election. The elections are not binding on the court, but if they are legitimate and based on fact, they are highly cogent evidence which the court and the jury will strongly consider.

4. Depositions of paramours, IRS agents, psychologists, doctors, ex-wives, employers, secretaries, etc. – well thought out, terse, and to the point testimony on facts that support a claim revealed in depositions is far more effective than hearsay or other testimony that is not likely to be received well by the jury. It is important that such deposition testimony be short, to the point and dispositive of a real issue in the case.

The above is not an inclusive list of strategies employed during the divorce proceeding, however, if properly employed or excluded may be instrumental in a positive result for the client during this very difficult time.

The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333

Bitter Truths are Painful but Help Children Recover

The transition process for a child in a divorce is a difficult one which can result in acceptance, growth and renewal or long term resentments and unrealistic expectations.

It is this writer’s belief that the most heinous, destructive event that can occur in a divorce process is the use of the children by either spouse to support their own emotional needs or to seek advantage in the process through their children.

If the divorce is accepted and inevitable, every child deserves to know bluntly and directly where they stand. The exact approach a parent should take with their children will depend on the particular nuclear family, the life belief systems of the family and the relative maturity of each child. At some point, even with young children, every child has a right to know that mom and dad are getting a divorce, will never live together again, do not want to be married, and, if indicated, do not love each other anymore. This brutal truth inevitably will result in acting out, crying, assessment of blame, and sometimes pleading for a different result. Frequently, there is a temporary drop in grade levels, achievement scores and, in the teenage years, disrespect, substance experimentation and/or abuse and authority issues with teachers, coaches or other mentors which have not occurred prior to the separation. I believe that with honest direct knowledge, regardless of the pain, acting out and emotional injury, the children are at least standing on reality, firmly on the ground, and have a reference with other children, peer groups, and friends who on many occasions have been through the same thing. They can express their feelings directly to their friends and peers. They can converse with authority figures or others directly about the truth of the situation and can commence their new lives based on truths and not fantasy.

Alternatively, the most destructive approach a female or male may take with their children is to offer denial or false explanations such as “my mom and daddy are not going to live together for a while, but they may get back together some day,” or “mom and dad love each other, things are not working out right now and we will just have to see.” In the short term, this approach probably is less emotionally upsetting and easier for the parents and the children. In the long run, it can be catastrophic as the children of the relationship are standing in quicksand and falsehoods which give their children no base of reference among their peers at school, church, clubs, etc. They have nothing they can discuss or share with their peers because their parents are “not married” and are “not divorced.” They may become confounded, and this writer believes the result may be long-term character issues and other disorders which may be avoided if the children are allowed to go through their own grief reaction and start new lives based on truth rather than fanciful false hopes.

It is absolutely critical that each spouse never demean the self-esteem of the other spouse to their children or to other adults in front of their children. If dad is a drunk and a mother tells her eight year old son this is the “reason” for the divorce, then every time that eight year old boy looks in the mirror he sees a drunk. If a father tells a daughter that a divorce had to occur because of the mother’s new relationship with another man, then every time that young girl looks in the mirror she sees a whore. Children will internalize these assertions because regardless of whether the assertions are right or wrong, they are being made by people who are their parents, advisors and whose behavior they model. Rest assured that a frequent dead-beat father or mother is infinitely better than no father or mother at all. Additionally, it has been this attorney’s experience that using the children to forge a position in a divorce inevitably back-fires before the judge and/or jury and, over the long-haul as the children mature into adulthood, they will resent the self-degradation of the other spouse and hold it against the spouse who tried to manipulate the child for the rest of their lives.

Once a direct, unambiguous, concise, and sometimes brutally honest statement is made to the children as to what their future will be, the best emotional results for the children appear to come from parents who thereafter remain silent on the topic. Children frequently are dealing with adolescence, puberty, early religious beliefs, adaptation to sexual urges that are normal and hormonal, and every other issue all children deal with as they mature and grow. The last thing on earth minor children need in this contentious environment is to become a go-between message carrier or spy against a parent who is someone they love and who they follow as a role model, during a terrible period of time in their life when their own grief reaction is just as hard and painful as that of the parents going through the divorce.

The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333